Advice for Female Rednecks

Ladies, if you find it necessary to have a tattoo etched onto your ‘lower back’ please be considerate of others when choosing your design. Most chicks choose a fancy design with swirly lines that doesn’t actually mean anything or even better, the Chinese characters that 99.98% of Americans can’t understand and probably translates into Mu Shu Pork anyway. For those times when you get falling down drunk and don’t want to be left out of the tattoo craze, please consider one of the three following ‘useful’ tattoo options. First you could have an image of a beautiful woman (tasteful nudity optional) carved there. This would definitely draw attention to where you evidently want it and men can stare at a good piece of ...uh…. art all day long. Secondly, you could choose an instructional tattoo. You could even use this opportunity to let your man know exactly how to please you. It could say ‘Enter Here’ with an arrow pointing down if you like, or even a ‘Please use Other Door’ if you prefer. You could even say ‘Exit Only!’. You are always saying how guys never read instructions, well this would insure that your instructions would be read and followed to the letter. If you don’t choose to be stylish or practical, please consider the funny option. You could go with something similar to a bumper sticker like ‘My other Butt is Smaller’ (or ‘Larger’ depending on which ethnic group you’re trying to associate with), ‘Do these Buttocks make my Jeans Look Bigger?’ or ‘If you can read this, Thank a Bartender’. Remember, you can’t see it anyway so if you’re going to draw my attention to you, make it worth my while. Plan your new tattoo now – think before you drink.