birds

I hate birds! Birds are disgusting little flying turd-droppers who would be sold into slavery if they were capable of doing anything at all. My neighbors on both sides apparently love birds. They think they’re doing birds a favor by buying all the food they could ever hope to eat, but in reality, that just makes the little bastards fat and lazy. This apparently means that the birds see my house as the ‘rest stop’ between breakfast and lunch. They’ll land on my deck rail or my mailbox and let the high-fiber birdseed from next door work its way through their disease-ridden colons. I think if birds had been called something closer to what they actually are (like flying rats) they wouldn’t be loved nearly as much by well-meaning dupes like my goofy neighbors. You know they carry diseases (birds, not my neighbors)! Ever heard of bird-flu and chicken pox... not to mention all of the STDs (neighbors, not the birds).