The Educated Redneck - Life, politics, humor, and other rants from the ignernt Mid South

How To Pick Up Gals In the Hollar

2010-02-16T18:06:00.000-08:00

1) Did you fart? ...cuz you just blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded? .....cuz ya sure are special.
3) My love fer you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card? ...cuz I'd like to sign you out
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? ...cuz I can see myself in em.
6) You might not be the best lookin' girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.
7) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
8) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
9) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.
AND.. the best for last!
10) Yer face reminds me of a wrench. Every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.

President Comments On Washington Blizzard

2010-02-06T17:02:00.000-08:00

President Obama commented on the blizzard in Washington DC today.

Obama Bullish On Toyota Recall

2010-02-01T19:30:00.000-08:00

Apple iPad - Can't wait to get one of these

2010-01-30T19:25:00.000-08:00

What will they think of next?

House MD to host Late Night on NBC

2010-01-25T20:52:00.000-08:00

Looks like Doogie will be taking over....

Harry Pothead. Who knew...

2010-01-24T18:52:00.000-08:00

Explains a lot.

Hitler reacts to Scott Brown Election

2010-01-23T14:25:00.000-08:00

Thought for the day

2009-10-08T17:32:00.001-07:00

Did you realize that President Obama probably signed his stimulus package
at the same desk where President Clinton got his package stimulated?

Real Hope And Change is on the way

2009-09-14T18:19:00.000-07:00

Sure were an awful lot of "fringe" people in DC this past weekend...an awful lot...

Humor

2009-08-06T15:08:00.000-07:00

Hey Look....

2009-03-31T19:38:00.001-07:00

Obamanation

2009-03-12T19:03:00.000-07:00

The "New Economy"

2009-03-01T18:37:00.000-08:00

Just like mommy...

2009-02-19T20:24:00.001-08:00

Another one floating around the net...pure Edneck humor.

(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day)
Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.
I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.
From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith

We're with you Ted

2009-02-17T20:22:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the economic stimulus

2009-02-14T12:28:00.000-08:00

Another great triumph for the Soviet Congress of Amerika.
$787 billion in pork. Does this one go into the "hope" bucket or the "progress" bucket?

Sony releases new stupid piece of...

2009-02-11T19:28:00.000-08:00

This video on a new hi-tech product contains extremely foul language, (please take appropriate precautions) but is funny as &%#@

Maybe kids are growing up too fast these days

2009-02-02T21:06:00.000-08:00

Edneckonomics - Somebody out there gets it. (Part 2)

2009-02-02T20:47:00.000-08:00

More good information sent to the Edneck mail room that you should already know (again, don't know the original source, but it's right on).

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs and Al Queda
If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan .
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras , and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea .
If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India
If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan
If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria .

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

Edneckonomics - Somebody out there gets it. (Part 1)

2009-02-02T20:27:00.000-08:00

Some good information someone recently sent to the Edneck mail room. Not sure who the original source is, but this is good stuff...

Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. No, they are borrowing it from China . You children are expected to repay the Chinese.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

You choose

2009-01-22T17:01:00.000-08:00

Apparently someone was feeling paranoid over Obama's fumbling of the oath of office on Tuesday, so he was sworn in again. Only this time, it appears as if there was no Bible in the room. In the picture released to the press, he has one hand in the air, but his other hand is NOT on a Bible. Since we all know that we're all biased, I thought I would let you, our knowledable readers, finish this news here as to the underlying meaning. So please choose one of the following meanings to read into this incident and run with it:

A) He has a non-thinking staff and when they heard that he would be sworn in again, none of them thought, hey we might need a Bible.

B) Even though he claims to be a Christian, Obama doesn't have a Bible available to him.

C) This proves that he's the AntiChrist just like your great aunt Geraldine says.

Bush legacy

2009-01-21T10:22:00.000-08:00

I will be the first to say that Bush and his family are fantastic people, from what I know. I believe his girls are great humanitarians, his wife is gracious and sweet and he is friendly and down-to-earth. Having said that, I was very sad at some of the things Bush did while in office. I'm not talking about war stuff here, we'll save that for another blog, and it seems that Obama will undo most of what Bush did there anyway, I'm talking about all the new federal programs, regulations, and spending. It has been said that 'Democrats tax and spend while Republicans borrow and spend' and Bush sure proved that one true. Anyway, I came across a Newsmax article that summed up Bush's legacy for many conservatives in case you would like to read it. Just copy and paste the URL below to take a look:

http://www.newsmax.com/headlines/bush_requiem/2009/01/19/173041.html?s=sp&promo_code=780E-1

It looks like the Republicans need to spend the next three years searching for a TRUE conservative to run in 2012. Or maybe another party will produce one - perhaps the common-sense Edneck party???

Where's My Job

2009-01-20T10:18:00.000-08:00

I just watched the Obama inaguartion. His speech kicked ass. It wasn't at all riddled with liberal rehtoric like I expected. Although I was disappointed that no one sang the theme from the Jeffersons, while the people began chanting O-BAM-A, I was chanting Where's-My-Job. No, I still haven't found a job yet. But that's OK I know Obama will remember me when he sobers up tomorrow and realizes where he is. I'm gonna be one of the 660,000!, no, I'm not talking about being one of the Jehovah Witnesses who will be saved, I'm talking about getting one of the 660,000 jobs that Obama is going to create. I read this morning that his stimulus package will cost almost $1 trillion dollars, but that's OK because he's going to create 660,000 new jobs. That means that it's going to take $1.5 million dollars to create each job. Seriously?!?

HEY I've got an idea, Obama, how about if you just give the first 660,000 unemplyed persons you come across $1.5 million in cash and we wont need to look for a job. Now before you poo poo this idea, keep in mind that 1)Unemplyment claims would drop by 660,000 and I, along with the other 659,999 FBs, would certainly be willing to sign a pledge never to file another unemployment claim for the rest of our natural lives. 2)Wisely invested, this cash could pump much needed funds into the market, increasing everyone's 401k, while allowing each one of us unemplyed folk to live quite nicely on the income generated. 3)Of course there would be some of the 660,000 who would just run out and blow all their money on hot tubs and fast cars, but that's OK because they would be creating new manufacturing jobs. It would be all-around better for everyone. Heck, I would even be willing to settle for $1 million even and let the government save the other $5-600,000. I would rest comfortibly in the knowledge and belief that I could handle our money better than any government official. That is my pledge to you. Let's call this Sam's Proposal. Now let me see if I can get into one of these inagural parties and deliver Sam's Proposal to my man Barack.

Various and Merry Thoughts

2008-12-24T13:53:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven’t posted anything in awhile, but on October 17th, I was down-sized from my job and most of my online time lately has been spent seeking new employment.

I was going to shop at (where else?) WalMart the other day and had a difficult time finding a parking spot. As I was thinking that at least WalMart wouldn’t be hurting during this “economic downturn” (or as I like to call it, the end of Capitalism), I remembered that WalMart has a small mark-up and most of the stuff sold there is made in China. So Merry Christmas China, I know most of you don’t believe in that holiday, but have fun with our money. We could use it to pay off some of our massive debt, or give our companies more bail-out dollars, or (God forbid) a tax-cut to the people actually taking the business risks in this country, but I’m sure you guys will do better things with it, so go crazy.

If Hershey’s is just now coming out with “Premium” M&Ms what the *&%# have they been selling us for the last 50 years???

Why do people continue to fail to use their turn signals??? At worst, it’s a “real pain” to swipe your hand up or down to trigger the signal, and at best it will SAVE YOUR DUMB ASS FROM BEING REAR-ENDED. So please let the other drivers know exactly why you’re stopping on the roadway, use your turn signals.

I watched the movie Fireproof yesterday afternoon with my wife. It was pretty good. Don’t worry, the acting gets better as the movie goes on. You shouldn’t be letting the low budget or the lack-of-fame of the actors distract you from the lessons in the movie anyhow. Just stop criticizing, and you might just find some ways to improve your life.
We also watched the movie Seven Pounds the night before. I’m not a big Will Smith fan, but this was a good ‘redemption’ movie. I won’t spoil the ending for you, but it’s a good one to check out after you open your presents this year.

I continue to be amazed to see how something so small and so plenteous can have so much power, bring so much happiness, and yet continue to be so mysterious to so many people. Yes the vagina is a fascinating creation.

All of us here at Edneck.com wish you all a very Merry Christmas and hope that you, not only have a great 2009, but that you know peace, that you continue to grow in your relationships, your spirituality, and your education, and that your family is healthy and happy. And remember this is Edneck country, so make sure to give at least one gun to someone you love this Christmas.

For a smile, and a flashback to Christmas past, copy and paste the following link into your browser: http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/ecards/view.pd?i=423741410&m=5443&rr=y&source=msne999

lighter side

2008-10-15T11:59:00.000-07:00

OK all this talk about the economy and the election is bringing me down. Today I just wanted to quickly demonstrate an important difference between men and women. Specifically me and my wife.
Yesterday she sent me an email with a conversation that we had in her mind. Now, keep in mind that we didn't actually say this to each other, this is just the way she would want our conversation to go (I've changed the name to initials):

B: Honey, do you remember that I am taking A (our daughter) out for some one-on-one time tonight?

S: Sure, because I pay attention to everything you say and you reminded me of this last night.

B: Well, I was thinking pizza for the rest of you.

S: Sure, you always have great ideas!

B: If pizza is not what you want, you can call me before you leave work and let me know not to do that and I will know that you are going to take care of our precious boys.

S: I will think about it and let you know if I want to change the menu. I really appreciate how you are thinking of our family’s well-being and trying to make sure we are all taken care of.

B: I appreciate you noticing! I’ll talk to you later. I love you!

S: I love you, too!

Wasn't that just lovely? That's the way all of our conversations go (in her head).
In response to this, and since she was trying to help me (as a dumb male) understand how her complex female mind works, I wanted to give my wonderful wife a glimps into the male mind to help her understand they way we think. So I sent her the following:

S: Sex tonight?

B: Yes, please.

(That's how converstions go in my mind.)