Edneck Tip #14

When you go furniture shopping with your wife, try to keep in mind how this furniture will effect your sex life. You can do this by imagining yourself and your lovely bride in different positions on said furniture. Imagining can be done to see, for example, if there's anything that will be potentially protruding (besides the obvious) that might harm you, or if the angles that her legs should be in will be allowed by this piece of furniture, or how quickly you can jump off of said furniture if your mother-in-law happens to walk into the room.

Perfect example - the other day my wife and I were shopping for a new couch and I kept asking her to bend over each of the arms of the couches to make sure she would be at just the right height for intercourse. You might want to be discrete about it though if you're in Value City Furniture because the sales-ladies there apparently frown on such things.

Remember, we're here for you if you have any questions or comments. Happy furniture shopping.

Economics

Everyone has been worried about the economy lately; the mortgage crisis, rising fuel costs, and inflation.  Fuel is rising because China needs more of it to make the lead-bearing products we eagerly buy.  And why do we do this?  Because they are cheaper than US made goods made by union workers who demand $30 an hour for turning a screw or running a sewing machine.  But who can blame them, they want a Lexus just like you do.    After the Second World War, the United States was a marvel of industrial and agricultural productivity and  has historically been the dynamo driving the economy of the rest of the world.   That is not "American arrogance", it is merely an economic fact.  If WalMart had existed then, no doubt they would have sold many products to Americans that were actually made by other Americans.   In more recent decades however,  we have seen industries move first to Japan and then to China and Korea among other places; technology has been off-shored to India and we are importing food from Mexico (and again from China).  Why?  Because it's cheaper to do business elsewhere than in the United States.  Politicians are telling us we need to be concerned about global warming ( my bad - it's been relabeled "climate change" now ) and that we need a socialized healthcare system to solve all of our problems.  They should be telling us "For the last 40 or so years, we have done our best to destroy capitalism in the United States and replace it with entitlement socialism so we can become more like Europe, going forward, we want to let America manufacture her own goods and  grow her own food without being mired in paperwork and the constant threat of litigation.   We the People of  the capitalist United States of America will once again have the same opportunity to thrive as the businesses in communist China do today".

  

Confidence

Confidence, do you have it? Do you want it? I've been doing a little research lately on confidence and the average edneck. And it seems to me that, after we settle down in life - with spouse, mortgage, 2.3 kids, job (that we may or may not like, depending on the day), etc. that we normally derive most of the confidence we will ever have for the rest of our lives from our spouses. So if your wife feels like the ugliest girl in the room when you take her out, or your man is lacking the confidence he needs to land that great job, you are probably at least partly to blame. But fear not, I have a tip for all you ednecks on how to bolster your spouses self-esteem and give them the confidence they need to be the life of the party, or kegger as the case may be.

First of all to the men: guys you need to understand that chicks get their confidence in feeling loved. Feeling that special connection to their 'soul mate'. You need to be that man. What you want to do is set an outlook reminder at work and send her an email every day. Just think of something that you love about her and let her know. It doesn't have to be poetic or even long, even a sentence or two is fine, but make it all about her. If you need to tell her you will be late, send it in another email. Give her that one special email every day that lets her know you're glad she didn't listen to her friends and kick your sorry arse to the curb long ago. Don't worry, you'll think of things to say. If she doesn't have email, write her a note and leave it in the same place every day. I've been doing this now for a month and a half with great results, and I don't have to think very long to find new things to email about my lovely wife. You should also be spending some time daily thinking about the things that attracted you to her in the first place. This is a great way to mentally renew your love for her and it works.

Ladies, your job is even easier. Just like you love knowing that you're loved, your man gets most of his confidence from knowing that he is desired. Let this man know that you are his woman and it is your intention to take care of him as often as he needs. And I'm not talking about just letting him have sex with you whenever he wants, I'm saying YOU need to make the first move. You need to make him feel desired daily. I know you wont always feel like it but this is important! This is your marriage, and if it's not currently everything you dreamed it would be, then get off your bottom and get to showing him you're glad he caught you. I would suggest that at least three times a week you put on something sexy and rattle his cage. The rest of the week remind him daily that you WANT him. I'm telling you now, if you want to feel loved (and we all know that you do) try this for 30 days and then see what kind of man you have created.

Remember, we're all in this together. Now let's start putting a little work into those marriages. You can make it what you want it to be, but you have to work hard. Marriage isn't 50/50, you need to give it your all. The next spouse isn't any better than the one you have, and divorce is expensive so turn off the tv and get to work.

Edneck

Edneck Tip # 43

OK here's a tip for you husbands out there. If you're ever climbing out of bed in the morning and your wife tells you she dreamed that you ran off with a large breasted girl named Teri and then says 'you would never leave me for a large breasted girl named Teri would you?' Don't pause and say 'How big are these breasts you're talkin' about?' Just say 'no' and walk away dude.

Hey, we're here for you man. We guys gotta hang together or else we'll hang separately. Benjamin Franklin said that. I guess he really knew woman - several as I understand.